


before i let you go

by hundaeism



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Filipino, M/M, Tagalog, un-beta-ed
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 08:11:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17894750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hundaeism/pseuds/hundaeism
Summary: kyungsoo thought it was about time to mend things





	before i let you go

hindi alam ni kyungsoo kung paano nagsimula, o sa pagkakataong ito, paano natapos. kahit kailan hindi nya naisip na matatapos ang pagmamahalan nila ni jongin. masakit pa ring isipin at mahirap tanggapin. masikip pa rin sa dibdib. but this is his reality now.

 

hindi na siya mahal ni jongin.

  
  
  


_ I can still remember yesterday _ __  
_ We were so in love in a special way _ __  
_ And knowing that you love me _ _  
_ __ Made me feel, oh, so right

  
  
  


hindi naman kasi si kyungsoo ang unang nagkagusto. hindi naman kasi siya ang unang nagparamdam. lahat ng iyon si jongin ang nagsimula. 

 

kyungsoo can still remember the way jongin looked at him the first time they met. he was obviously scared of him. it didnt bother him, it wasnt the first time it happened. 

what surprised him was what happened the following days. sinubukan ni jongin na kausapin siya, halatang takot pa rin. but he was trying. jongin would ask him out for lunch with the other trainees of course. nonetheless, it made kyungsoo feel special. 

 

“soo? kain na tayo?” jongin would often ask.

“sino kasama?” 

“tayong dalawa na lang muna, okay lang?” jongin would shyly smile at him. 

syempre, kyungsoo would smile back with a happy nod. “sure.”

 

their lunch outs turned to dinners and just basically hanging out together. yung sila lang. and that’s when kyungsoo felt something inside him stir. maalaga kasi si jongin, mapagpasensya, mabait. it’s really not that hard to fall. but kyungsoo tried not to show what he feels, mahirap na. hindi naman sya sigurado sa intensyon ni jongin. 

  
  


two years after they debuted, kyungsoo got the confirmation he was patiently waiting for.

 

“soo? may nagugustuhan ka ba ngayon?” jongin asked one night after practice. sobrang random nung tanong ni jongin kaya di agad nakasagot si kyungsoo. 

“bakit mo tinatanong?” 

“gusto ko lang malaman.” jongin answered, this time looking intently at kyungsoo. “so meron ba?”

kyungsoo swallowed. “m-meron.”

jongin nodded, at di alam ni kyungsoo kung anong ibig sabihin nun.

“ikaw ba, jongin, may nagugustuhan ka ngayon?” sa mga oras na yun, sobrang lakas na ng tibok ng puso ni kyungsoo. scared of what jongin might say. 

jongin slowly nodded, still looking at kyungsoo. 

“k-kilala ko ba?”

jongin nodded once again. and before kyungsoo could say another word, jongin kissed him.

 

kyungsoo remembers that night inside the practice room so clearly. nasa happiest moments list nya yan. hindi na matatanggal. pero ngayon, bakit di nya magawang maging masaya? 

  
  
  
  
  


_ But now I feel lost _ __  
_ Don't know what to do _ __  
_ Each and everyday I think of you _ __  
_ Holdin' back the tears _ _  
_ __ I'm trying with all my might

  
  


kyungsoo stirred in his bed, hindi siya makatulog. he remembers what happened between him and jongin earlier. 

 

jongin texted kyungsoo how they needed to talk. nung mga oras na nabasa nya yung text ni jongin, gusto niyang magalit. ilang buwan silang nagiilangan tapos ngayon lang siya makikipag usap? but kyungsoo calmed himself. sa loob loob nya, alam nyang kailangan nilang mag usap. 

months ago, they had a huge fight that left a gap between them. at dahil na din sa pagiging sobrang busy nilang dalawa sa kanya kanya nilang schedule, di na nila nagawang ayusin iyon. 

so months into the fight, it’s about time that they fix things. or so what kyungsoo thought. 

  
  


“soo, im so sorry.” jongin said finally, tears streaming down his face. “di ko din alam paano nangyari eh.”

kyungsoo stood firm. his hands forming a fist, and with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “anong ibig mong sabihin jongin? what does this mean?”

“soo,” jongin tried holding kyungsoo’s hands. “soo, di ko naman sinasadya eh. basta nangyari na lang. please, please.”

gustong tumawa ni kyungsoo, ang tanga nya. akala nya mag uusap sila ni jongin para ayusin ang lahat. 

“mahal mo ba?” kyungsoo’s voice is nothing but a whisper. yun na lang kasi ang kaya ni kyungsoo. kung hindi, baka tuluyan na lang talaga siya umiyak at magbreak down sa harap ni jongin. 

jongin looked at him. yung tingin na minahal nya, yung tingin na nagpatibok ng puso nya. 

“nini, mahal mo ba?” kyungsoo asked again. sa loob loob ni kyungsoo nakikiusap sya na sana hindi. sana hindi mahal ni jongin. sana natukso lang sya. sana siya pa rin. 

pero tumango si jongin. 

kyungsoo allowed his tears to fall. “o-okay.” he said shakily. 

jongin was in tears again. “soo, im sorry. sorry, please patawarin mo ako.” he held kyungsoo’s hands to his. 

“a-akala ko, akala ko, mag-aayos tayo eh. akala ko kaya gusto mong makipag usap kasi finally aayusin na natin.” kyungsoo cries. 

“soo, im sorry. sorry. please wag kang umiyak.”

“paanong di ako iiyak eh nasasaktan ako, gago.” kyungsoo said in between sobs. 

“soo,” jongin calls. 

grabe, sobrang sakit pala. ang sakit, ang hirap tanggapin. 

“pwede bang iwan mo muna ako mag-isa, ni?” pinunasan ni kyungsoo yung mga luha nya. 

“no, im staying.” jongin says. 

“nini, please. i need to be alone. i cant take this all in with you here.”

but deep inside, kyungsoo doesnt want jongin to go. if jongin tells him that he’d stop and go back to kyungsoo, kyungsoo would forgive him in a heartbeat. 

but jongin said okay. and it hurt like hell. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was written like a month ago, and i never got to finish it. i just wanted to post something. siguro, just to delude myself na this is an accomplishment, in a way. anyway, this is just a just a drabble. unfinished cos i was at the peak of uhm sadness? lmao but now we're all good ;n; i was never good at writing so this is me trying


End file.
